How to Pick Up a Girl in 60 Seconds or Less
by Twipotterfreak28
Summary: She gets dragged to speed dating by her friend. He makes a bet that he can pick her up in 60 seconds or less. Welcome to the world of men who desperately need a girlfriend, women who throw themselves at any man that has a pulse, and extremely cheesy pick up lines that both sides use. Buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride from table to table.
1. Speedily denied

_Hello! So this is a 'submit your own couples for me to use' story. You know how sometimes you find a song that you REALLY like, and you end up listening to that song for weeks until you literally can't take it anymore? Well, I'm on one of those, and unfortunately, it's a happy song. So I can't really get into writing 7RW with 'my brown eyed girl' running through my head. So I'm trying my hand at a funny fic. First chapter is Hermione, second is Draco._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Some lines were taken off the internet, some from my friends. So... it's not mine!_

**(Hermione pov)**

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"Ginny, I don't want to go."

"Oh come on Mione, it'll be fun! Besides, it's been months since you and Ron broke up, and you need to get back out there."

Currently, Ginny was dragging me off to some 'speed dating' thing, saying I was distancing myself from men and that if I didn't get a man soon, I'd up dying alone with 100 cats living in my house. I didn't see what was wrong with that.

I kind of liked cats.

"Well then why are you here?" I whined, trying to loosen her grip on my arm as she dragged me down the street. "You're with Harry!"

"I am here for moral support," She smirked. "And I'm scoping out men for you next door."

I rolled my eyes and finally gave up the fight, allowing Ginny to drag me inside a small brick building an up to a table.

"Names?" The woman at the booth said.

"Hermione Granger." Ginny said before I could.

"Are you not participating?" She asked Ginny.

"No, I'm just here to support Hermione." Ginny responded before turning to me. "Okay Hermione, I'm going over to the bar next door to look around for you. Stand up, walk in there with your head high, and remember: you're here to have fun."

"Some fun." I mumbled, quietly walking into the room filled with tables and chairs.

"Oh, and Hermione?" Ginny called one last time. "Be nice."

"I'm _always_ nice."

She rolled hr eyes and made her way out the door, leaving me in a room full of single men and women. I looked around until I noticed all of the men were standing by the wall, and all of the women were sitting in individual tables. Hesitantly, I took a seat at the fair end of the row.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now begin our session. Ladies, you'll have sixty seconds with each potential bachelor, and at the end of said time the men will move to the right and you will meet a new bachelor. Please check yes or no at the bottom of your card next to the bachelor's name if you would consider seeing him again." The woman from the table finished, ringing a bell and telling us to go. 'You will rotate down the line until you reach the end, then you'll turn in your score cards and you're free to stick around and have a drink at the bar next door, where we're catering. Ready? Go."

There was a lot of movement as the men got situated in the first chairs.

"Why hello there, pretty lady." Said a man I had never seen before.

"Hullo." I gritted out.

"Haven't I seen you some place before?" He asked.

"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." I responded, thoroughly shocking the man.

The bell rung, which I will be forever grateful, and a nice-looking, charming man sound down in the previous man's spot.

"So, when this over, want to go back to my place?" He smiled.

_Well, so much for charming. _

"I don't know, will two people fit under a rock?"

He got up, completely offended, and scowled at me before moving on to the next woman. Then, another man came and sat down in front of me.

"So what do you do for a living?" I asked, jumping at the chance to talk first.

"Well, I don't actually _have_ a job... but if you want to come over, I can tell my mom to stay in her room." He said, shamelessly.

_He's got to be at least 26, he has no job, and he lives... with his mother._

"So what do you do?" He asked me.

"Uh..." I started, thinking of some way to get out of this. "I'm a female impersonator."

He jumped put of his chair so fast, it was almost funny. I winked and did the girliest wave I could think of, causing him to shudder and practically beg for the bell to ring.

As the next man sat down in front of me, I couldn't help but think...

_Merlin, It's going to be a long night..._

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_**A/N:** It'd be great for you to review. Thanks for listening! I don't own the pick-up lines, but please suggest some for the next chapter along with a couple you want me to use them with, if you would! Thanks! -Nikki a.k.a.- Twipotterfreak28_


	2. The bet

_Hello! My funny bone has been acting up today, and I couldn't resist posting another chapter. Enjoy and review!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing you may recognize._

**_Beta'ed by Sophia Lena Duchannes Riddle_**_ (not this chapter, though)_

**(Draco pov)**

* * *

"What in the name of Dumbledore's skirt do you think you're doing?" I yelled at Blaise as he dragged me off my couch.

"Get off your lazy arse, Draco! You're going out!" He replied, thrusting my shoes and jacket into my face.

"_Bullocks!_" I yelled, throwing the things on the floor and sitting back down on my couch, a butterbeer in hand.

"Seriously mate, you need to get out of here. It's been a week." Blaise said, sitting next to me and gently putting my shoes and jacket on my lap this time.

"I just want to sit here and drink." I replied, chugging half of the butterbeer.

"Draco, that's it! You are a Malfoy, and Malfoys don't sit in their houses like slobs and mope all day because their girlfriends left them! So get up, be a man, and move on!" He suddenly yelled.

"I don't want to, _mom_." I sneered, crossing my arms over my chest.

"This isn't the Draco I know." He said to me. "The Draco I know would be taking the world by storm. The Draco I know would never let some girl, who wasn't even worth his time in the beginning, bring him down. What happened to him?"

"You know what, you're right!" I yelled, tipping over my drink and running a hand through my messy hair. "I'm not going to sit here and think about Astoria any longer! It's her loss!"

"Yeah!" Blaise urged.

"She doesn't deserve me!"

"Yeah!" He said again.

"I don't need her, I can get any girl I want!" I said, suddenly feeling empowered.

"Ye- well, I wouldn't go _that_ far, mate." Blaise laughed, to which I scowled. "We're leaving in one hour. Oh, and Draco?"

"Yeah?" I said as I walked toward the bathroom.

"No offense, but you stink. Take a shower, shave and don't hesitate to try some deodorant." He said, and just before I opened my mouth to say a few choice words, he continued. "And a few breath mints wouldn't hurt."

He pushed me into the bathroom and slammed the door in my face before I could hex him.

45 minutes later, I was showered, shaved, deodorized and ready to go. I came out and Blaise nodded at me, silently say I looked good enough to leave the house. We walked out of the manor and apparated toward Diagon Alley, walking along the road silently.

"Where are we going?" I asked, just now getting that Blaise could be leading me to some strange place.

He glanced over at me and mumbled, "Don't be mad, okay?"

"That depends. _Where are we going?_" I said firmly.

He kept his mouth closed and suddenly stopped in front of a building, turning and smiling at me with a mischievous look on his face.

"I swear, if this was some kind of joke-"

"Speed dating." He interrupted.

"Come again?"

"I said, speed dating." He grinned again.

I chuckled. "I must have heard you wrong. For a moment there, I thought you said we were at speed dating!"

"That's because I did." And suddenly, he was pushing me inside the building, while I struggled to get back out the door.

"I'm _not_ doing this, you tosh pot! Speed dating is for the desperate and lonely! I am not some sad sap who has to come down here to find someone to be with!" I groaned, catching the eye of a woman standing in front of us.

"So are saying that I'm desperate and lonely?" She snapped, turning around and jabbing me in the chest with her finger.

"Oh, you're in for it now." Blaise snickered behind me.

"No, I that's not what I was saying-" I tried, but the woman kept jabbing her finger in my chest.

"Well it sure sounded like it! I'll have you know, some of us come down here for fun! Just because you're arrogant and cocky, does not mean you can judge everyone around you! _You're_ here, which means you must be desperate and lonely, too!" She yelled. "Pull your head out of your arse, you tosser!"

She ended her rant by slapping me in the face and stomping into a room, clearly angry at me. I just held my face and stood there, gaping like a fish, while Blaise laughed openly behind me.

"What just happened?" I stammered.

"Well Draco," Blaise said, wiping tears of laughter from his face and patting me on the back. "As the muggles say, you just got schooled."

I growled at him as he finished laughing at me and pulled me over to some sign in booth. The woman there openly flirted with Blaise, even pushing her breasts out when she handed us our name tags. Blaise, oblivious to her flirting, led me into a room, over toward a very familiar looking guy.

"Crabbe," Blaise hollered over to him.

"Hey guys!" He exclaimed, nodding to each of us. Then, he handed Blaise 5 galleons. "Didn't believe you could get him here, mate."

"Believe it." He smirked, pocketing the coins. He then pushed me in the middle of them and spun me around so I could look out into the crowd of people. There were several women walking around, but most of the men were by the far wall.

"I'm going to get a girl tonight," Crabbe suddenly said, to which Blaise and I laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing," Blaise snickered. "Oh look, here comes someone now."

A girl with jet black hair and tanned skin walked over to us, completely ignoring Blaise and I, much to our astonishment, and headed straight for Crabbe.

"Hi, I'm Nadira," She said happily, sticking out her hand and batting her eyelashes at him. "And you are?"

His eyes widened and he shakily brought his hand to hers. "I… m-my… I'm…._Hi_." He stammered, flashing a very, very crooked smile, making him look as if he was in pain or something.

"Well…. I' just gonna go," He smiled back, turning around and walking away, but not before we heard the rest of her sentence. "Anywhere but here."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Crabbe chanted under his breath. "Well, things can't get any worse."

"If you think it can't get any worse, you lack sufficient imagination, my friend." Blaise said.

"Crabbe," I laughed, patting him on the back as he scolded himself. "If you were waiting for the opportune moment… That was it."

"Shut up." He sneered, only making us laugh harder.

Of course, laughing at Crabbe's embarrassment made me miss the woman who walked into the room at the moment.

"Draco," Blaise suddenly jabbed me in the side. "I bet you 100 galleons you can't pick up any girl in this room that I point out."

I smirked, overly confident in my charm. "You're on."

We shook on it, then he flashed me another mischievous grin.

"Well? Who is it!" I demanded.

Without taking his eyes off me, he pointed to a woman at the end of the row, whom I knew all too well.

"No way." I told him.

"Oh come on, you can do it! Unless…. You're _scared_," He mocked me. "And if you are a great big chicken, you can give me my galleons right now."

I was about to reply when a woman suddenly cleared her throat and began speaking into a microphone.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now begin our session. Ladies, you'll have sixty seconds with each potential bachelor, and at the end of said time the men will move to the right and you will meet a new bachelor. Please check yes or no at the bottom of your card next to the bachelor's name if you would consider seeing him again." The woman finished, ringing a bell and telling us to go. "Gentlemen, you will rotate down the line until you reach the end. Then, ladies, you'll turn in your score cards and everyone is free to stick around and have a drink at the bar next door, where we're catering. Ready? Go."

"_Fine_." I grumbled to Blaise, and I swear, I saw him and Crabbe bump fists.

_Okay, let's do this. Prepare to be swept off your feet, Granger._

**(Hermione pov)**

_Merlin, it's going to be a long night…_

The man in front of me smiled and fiddled with his hands. He was actually quite handsome. I just hoped he wasn't completely ignorant and rude.

"Hi, I'm Hermione. You are?" I smiled back.

"Daniel." He grinned at me. "And its seems that I've lost my address. Can I have yours?"

_Another one of those cheesy pick up line guys. Quick, think of something clever!_

A movie that I had watched once as a child came into my mind, as did the popular address used in it.

"Sure," I said, getting out a piece of paper and writing. I handed it to him.

"42 Wallabe Way, Sydney?" He asked hopefully.

"That's it." I replied, just as the bell dinged.

"Thanks, see ya around." He smiled, getting up and moving toward the next table.

"Yeah, see ya around," I mumbled as the next guy sat down. "Idiot."

I had a very nice conversation with the next man, and I actually put him down as a yes, as well as the man after him. They were both very charming and sweet, not mention handsome, and I wouldn't mind seeing them again.

"Hi, I'm-"

"Let's cut to the chase, shall we?" He interrupted, a smug grin on his face.

"_Excuse_ me-"

"Look, Do you want to go back to my place or not?" He asked bluntly, to which I sat there gaping at him. "Don't play coy. I've seen you staring at me all night and I know you want me."

"_Well I never!_" I slammed my arms down on the table, stood up and leaned toward him. "For your information, whatever-the-bloody-hell your name is, I'm not some girl that will sleep with you just because you ask! No I haven't been staring at you because I have _no bloody idea_ who you are!"

"Sit down, you're drawing attention." He snapped at me.

"_No!_ The fact that you would even suggest I would want some scum like you is appalling! You disgust me, Sir!" I yelled, turning toward the other people. "Attention ladies, this man wants nothing more than to get in your pants! He's bloody disgusting and if he thinks his charm will work, he is sadly mistaken!"

"Hear, hear!" Almost every woman in the room said, scowling at the flabbergasted man sitting across from me.

"Now," I said, smoothing out my skirt and sitting back down. "You were saying?"

The bell dinged and the man rushed out of the room faster than you could say 'Dumbledore's purse'. I smiled and waved as he left, sitting there smugly as the next man sat down in front of me.

I was so wrapped up in what I had just done, I didn't even look up until I heard my name called in a very familiar voice.

"Hello, Granger."

_Holy mother of-_

_No._

"What the bloody hell are you doing here, Malfoy!"

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**A/N:** _Thank you, thank you. No idea when I'll update, but I'm not abandoning anything. I need to update 'ICOMYS', because I haven't in a while. Anyway, reviews are not required, but they are greatly appreciated. Thanks! -Nikki a.k.a.- Twipotterfreak28_

**P.S-** _If any of you got the reference to the address Hermione gave that guy, I'll be one happy girl. _


	3. Liar

**_There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives._**

_I understand that I haven't updated this near enough, so I won't even bother begging for your forgiveness or your reviews. Just read on._

_Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. My sarcasm guns are set on high, so I'd watch out, 'cause you might get hit with a stray bullet._

**(Hermione pov)**

* * *

"I thought it was fairly obvious," Draco smirked, threading his fingers together on the table in front of us. "I, like you, am here to find love."

"Ha!" I laughed. "What would a dirty, underhanded guy like you need with love? Do you want to watch it die or something along those lines?"

"Why is that so hard to believe " He never lost his composure. "Love is for everyone, Granger. In fact, I do believe we are supposed to be talking about the possibility of it between us."

"Did you know that 'I love you' is eight letters?" I asked. He opened his mouth but I continued. "So is bullshit."

He opened and closed his mouth several times, before leaning back in his chair and laughing. "Still the same close-minded witch you were back at Hogwarts, I see? Why, I don't think you could change if you wanted to."

Just like that, the bell dinged and Draco moved to get up, before I leaned across the table and shoved him back down into his seat. I could see he was a bit surprised by my actions.

"I'm closed-minded?" I asked, hints of fury in my voice. "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!"

"Excuse me, I-" A man tapped me on the shoulder, who was supposed to be with me next.

"Not now!" I yelled, turning back to Draco. "You are the most selfish, egotistical, narrow-minded wizard I've ever had the misfortune to meet! You waltz in here and call me close-minded, when you hated me for the first 6 years of knowing each other, because you were so bloody prejudiced!"

"I'm not prejudiced," Draco replied, almost matching my fury. "I hate everyone equally."

"Trying to funny, I see?" I spat at him. I stood up and leaned forward, just as he did. "I hardly think this is the time nor place for that."

"I hardly think this is the time nor place for you to throw a tantrum, either," Draco smiled wryly. "Go ahead, Granger. Yell. Yell and scream that I'm a stupid git. You'll just be proving that you Gryffindors have no self-control whatsoever when it comes to Slytherins."

"Shut your mouth." I gritted through my teeth.

"Have I struck a nerve?" He asked. "I think I might have."

"I said, shut your bloody mouth." I said firmly.

"Or what, Granger? Are you going to lecture me to death? Or hex me, perhaps?"

"UGH!"

I reeled back and he flinched, thinking that I was going to hit him. Instead, my feet seemed like they were on autopilot, walking around the table and towards him. I stood in front of him and grabbed his shirt.

Draco's eyes widened. "Granger, I was just kidding-"

"GAH!" Then, I pulled his face forward and crushed my mouth to his.

What the bloody hell was I thinking? No idea. My brain thought it was the only logical thing to do at the time, so I went for it. Plus, it had been a while since I'd been kissed. Draco seemed surprised for a moment, before putting his hands on my hips and moving his lips in time with mine. He tasted like mint- something I was grateful for- and smelled like trees. How someone managed to do that, I'll never know. I pulled back, my mind finally catching up with what I had just done. We stared at each other for a moment and I faintly registered shouts in the background.

"Damn it! He actually did it!"

"I told you! Now give me back my galleons!"

"You guys are idiots. I swear, the things men do for fun..."

We blinked a few times and our cheeks tinted red, our arms pushing away from each other.

"What was...?" Draco said.

"Nothing. I don't know. But it was nothing." I said, defeated. I grabbed my purse out of my seat and spoke softly. "I... have to go."

"Wha...?" Draco rubbed the back of his head as I skittered past him, looking at me confusedly.

I exited the big room, feeling embarrassed and a bit sorry for myself. What had I been thinking? A Slytherin- one that hated me- was arguing with me, and I kissed him. I kissed Draco bloody Malfoy.

_You weren't thinking, Idiot. That's the point._

"Wait!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, closing my eyes and wondering why he had to be such a persistent prick. Couldn't he just leave well enough alone?

"What?" I asked.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel that back there," He panted. "Come on, there has to be some deeper psychological reason that you kissed me."

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but there isn't." I replied stubbornly. "It was a lapse in judgement."

"I... let me buy you something to drink," He stammered, pleading with his eyes. "Come on, I don't bite too hard."

I didn't answer right away, pondering what to do.

"I saw you and Potter's wife here earlier. If I'm not drinking with someone in the next half hour, I suppose I would have to entertain myself by telling her how you shot down each and every one of the men that approached you."

"Are you _blackmailing_ me?" I gasped.

"Precisely." He said smugly, offering me his arm. "Now, seeing as you are not in a position to decline, I think there's a bar next door."

I eyed his arm like it was poison, and then looked back into his smirking face. His eye brows shot up as he jerked his arm towards me again.

"I hate you," I grumbled, grabbing onto his arm and letting him lead me outside. I tried not to think about the fact that he smelled amazing- like spearmint.

"Liar," He laughed as we walked, opening the door to the bar next door.

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**A/N:**_ I know its short, but I'm hoping to write another one today. But first I need to update CRW and AFW. I had a string of illnesses, including the flu and an infection, so I couldn't write. But I'm good now. Thanks for reading. Won't bother asking for reviews... it's been a while. So... have a good day.** -Nikki a.k.a.-** **Twipotterfreak28**_


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